cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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