I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So much rum. So many feels.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
