I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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