I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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