I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
