We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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