There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize