I heard we made out
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
