one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
