Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
