why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
