once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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