I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
