my mouth tastes like poor choices
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
