It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
