Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
