So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
