I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
