best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize