ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Non-Jews are for practice
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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