I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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