i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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