i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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