I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
