that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
