now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
