the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
