: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
