he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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