I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
