can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
