So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
