Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
