just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
