then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
