Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
