I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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