My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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