not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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