So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
