is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
