whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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