Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
