Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
