I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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