I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
