it's great music for shaving your balls
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
