I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
