Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
