HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
