Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
