I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
