What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
