we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
