Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just want nice things and good sex
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
