something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think we might need a safe word for this...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
