Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
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