she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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