Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
