It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
