I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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