Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's just like the Real World with babies
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize