one word: firstdatebathroomanal
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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