You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
