oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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