He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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